Life is a mess.

And not just mine, although, LOL it is, but in general, for everyone, everywhere. Watch the news: mess. Check out the economy: mess. Listen to your friends’ problems: mess. Eavesdrop at a coffee shop: mess. Mess everywhere. All over. Messy mess mess.

By design, nature is full of chaos. While the world we live in now is full of man-made things, we are, at the root, still part of nature, meaning chaos will always prevail, no matter how much control we think we have or can create. I like to call this idea of “having control” delusion.

Because of social media, however, we feed the delusion by posting snippets of our lives that don’t suck, because duh, who brags about that shit?

…Actually, on second thought, those people exist on social media, too. You know who I’m talking about. The people you likely unfriended last month because they’re always putting their personal garbage heaps on the metaphorical curb for everyone to see. I still don’t get this. Can’t you phone a friend?

Things appear unrealistically good because that’s what is shared, but that’s not always true. For the most part, life is boring. It’s your prerogative to spice it up and make it enjoyable in whatever healthy way that works. This is not a suggestion to constantly create drama. If this is a habit of yours, channel it in a positive direction and write for soap operas, or create a YouTube channel, or go frolic through some daisies – fuck, do anything else, please. And while it’s nice to feel like life is a Disney princess song *cue animals frolicking in the forest and unrealistic hair and wardrobe standards* frankly, it’s bullshit.

But here’s the deal: relationships are created through real shared experiences, and not just the good ones posted on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. The strongest connections come from shared emotions. When we feel someone really gets us because of something they’ve experienced, it unites us in a lasting way. Strip it down, and you’ll find that humans desire genuine connection. The best way to achieve that is to do the thing my generation has been conditioned to fear: be vulnerable.

Being vulnerable sucks. I’m an independent woman with shoes on my feet that I bought. (Ya gotta watch it. Just do it.)

I frequently hear that I project confidence and intimidate people who don’t know me well. And to that, I say, “LOL.”

I’m awkward, clueless and generally just trying to figure out how to make myself laugh enough to get through the day. And while I’m highly emotionally intelligent and more logical than I thought possible, I have a love/hate relationship with vulnerability. This is idiotic because I know that it’s necessary and good, in the right doses.

However, my brain constantly reminds me that being vulnerable leaves me open to a host of craptastic possibilities. If people know what makes me tick, they know how to use it against me. And if there’s one thing that I hate, it’s feeling like I’m being manipulated. If I were a general, I’d wage war every time manipulation took a deep breath. This obviously stems from nasty things in my dark and cloudy past, but my personal shit is not the point of this one. Well, it is, but not that personal shit. LOL, see? There are those pesky vulnerability issues. I’m selectively vulnerable.

This fall, I felt incredibly lost and rather down about it. I felt like a failure, and that’s a tough thing to feel when the person whose expectations you’re measuring your achievements against are your own. I felt like I failed because I hadn’t met whatever arbitrary ideals my brain had for what my life should look like by now. This, by the way, is crap because I didn’t have clear points of achievement on how to measure my “success.” Basically, they can be summed up thusly:

• grown-up job
• happy

Clearly, I suck at making SMART goals, and all I really did with the above list is set myself up for failure. ISN’T THAT IRONIC. *cue humming of Bo Burnham’s song*

So what’s the point (aside from my life being a mess)? The point is that when you cut the shit – when you stop acting like you have it all together, and you start admitting that maybe you’re clueless, you’re struggling, you’re stuck, whatever adjective fits – you’ll find there are so many people around you who are already in the same boat. If you’re really lucky, you’ll find a former captain of said boat who can guide you.

Maybe my life is a mess. But in amidst all that mess, I’ve learned that maybe I don’t have to have it all together. Maybe it’s okay to be a little lost. Maybe I don’t have to know what I want (although that really would be nice). Maybe I can cut myself a little slack, show myself some compassion, and trust that I’ll figure it out in due time.

Step 1: Cut the shit.

Step 2: Find supportive, kick-ass humans who will help you get by until you figure it out. Preferably with lots of LOLZ along the way.

Are you struggling, too? Let go of the need to seem okay. See what happens.

Cut the shit. I dare you.

HBIC,

Bossey Boots